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The end

So. xxxHolic is over. It feels like, well, the end of an era. This series has been with me for a long time, and I've always loved it so much and now I pay the price for that.

Needless to say - I did not enjoy that ending.

Everything is always open to interpretation, of course, but for me it was extremely disappointing to find that Watanuki has gone back on everything he ever learned, everything. What's up with that, CLAMP, really? What happened to not being able to bring back the dead? (And I really do believe that Yuuko is, in fact, dead)

A few things that really bother me:

1) I never read any sort of romantic interest into the interactions between Yuuko and Watanuki. For me, there has been a slow growth of strong love and affection in their relationship, but it is more akin to a mother-child relationship than anything else. Of course, it isn't strange for Watanuki to wait for her just because his feelings of love aren't of a romantic kind - but I find it strange that he would forsake everything (by which I mean a future with Doumeki) simply to wait for her.

So in order for this to make sense to me I have to conclude: Watanuki = in love with Yuuko.

2) I've always thought that, as far as romantic love and having a 'the one person for you' goes, Clow is Yuuko's person, and Yuuko is Clow's. I'm not quite ready to give up on that because, again, I only see a motherly love for Watanuki in Yuuko. So Watanuki's love = one-sided.

3) Doumeki dies. No, seriously, how could this happen? I feel like I've ended up in some horrible alternative universe where shitty things that are not in line with the rest of the story suddenly up and happens.

Now, I've seen several people saying, "Well, it was to be expected, after all, as Watanuki doesn't age and Doumeki does" and so on, but you know what? Still shitty. Watanuki shouldn't have chosen to wait for Yuuko. And perhaps that is what CLAMP wants to illustrate - that one bad choice can really fuck your life over? But if that is true, then I find it in very bad taste to throw such a great series away simply to make that point.

4) Doumeki not loving Watanuki and ending up with someone else.

This, I say, is BS. Others may interpret as they like but in my eyes, it has always been obvious that Doumeki loves Watanuki very, very much. Probably more than anything else in the world. This is also something that slowly happens over the course of the series, a growing love and acceptance of that love. Doumeki having done so much for Watanuki, I find it hard to stomach the thought that he would, in the end, simply sit back and let Watanuki be. This is impossible for me - Doumeki would never give up on him.

But, obviously, he went and had children. Of course it's possible to think that Doumeki married some woman (perhaps he even loved her) because he realised he was growing older but I can't believe they would have a deeper connection than the one Doumeki and Watanuki share. In that case - kind of shitty of you, Doumeki. Your wife deserved better :(

It can be argued that Watanuki is the one who told Doumeki to do this. I am thinking of the scene where he asks about any plans of reconstruction at Doumeki's temple, and then says that he would be happy to bless the house and the family living there, once the time comes. Is this Watanuki's way of acknowledging Doumeki's love but also, because it's hopeless for Doumeki to wait for him (either because he won't ever return his feelings that way or because he does love him but he loves Yuuko too and he has pledged to wait for her), encourage the man to move on?

5) The "clone". Yes, I know it's not a clone, it's Doumeki's great-grandson. I suppose he could be seen in two ways: a) He is, in fact, his own person entirely. This is what I first opted for, based on simply reading the last chapter.  Or, b) He is a reincarnation of Shizuka. The only thing in favour of this is the fact that apparently Wish (which I have not read) had such an ending.

If it's option a, then it sucks. If it's option b, it still sucks. (I might actually prefer option a)

At the moment I am overwhelmed with disappointment (now that I sat down and started going through it again) and so I won't say anything else for the time being. In my opinion, though, CLAMP really dropped the ball on this one and not only because I didn't get an explicit Douwata ending. Simply put, they dropped the ball because I am unable to reconcile this ending, and the characters' doings, with my perception of who they are and how they act.

Now I shall have done with this. For the time being.

Nov. 8th, 2010

At the moment, I'm absorbed in knitting!

Prompt table - another one down!

Apr. 10th, 2010

Oh boy. That was a long, looong sleep. Yawn. But I do feel like I'm waking up now.

Still alive

Didn't exactly forget that this was here. Just.. got really busy.

Oct. 15th, 2008

Title: The inevitable release! There are no coincidences!
By: empress_izzy
Universe: On the air
A/N: Lately I’ve been watching way too much Tenshi na Konamaiki. Hence the, uh… perky title.


there's something wrong with this conversation, and it's the part where you keep talkingCollapse )No coincidences


Fix you up
what I wanted most was to get myself all figured out
what I figured out, what I figured out
was I need more time to figure you out

Call and answer
and if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I’ll pick you up
and if you cause this disaster
I'll point you home

Details in the fabric
hold your own, know your name
and go your own way
and everything will be fine

With or without you
see the stone set in your eyes
see the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

All I know
the ending always comes at last
endings always come too fast
they come too fast, but they pass too slow
I love you, and that's all I know

Never let you down
I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love the thought of having you around
and I will never let you down

Run to me
don't, you don't have to save my life
no, you're not ready I can feel it
outside its raining but I'll just go home

Easy silence
the easy silence that you make for me
it's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
and the peaceful quiet you create for me
and the way you keep the world at bay for me

and if there is disease in you
I want to have that disease too
'cause I want everything
that is inside you

Bridge over troubled water
if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Miracle drug
the songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough I'm not giving up
on a miracle drug

I am a constant satellite
of your blazing sun
my love
I obey your law of gravity
this is the fate you've carved on me
your law of gravity

Fear no darkness
so hold my hand
I rest assured you won't fail me
calm my heart
be my guide right behind me

I will carry you
when the stars go blind
and the darkness starts to
flood your eyes
when you're fallin' behind
I will carry you

and I wish you all the love in the world
but most of all, I wish it from myself

Nowhere warm
I go nowhere high
go nowhere warm
until you're by my side
your hand in mine

On your mind  
I'll let you go
but I'll need a hand
to push you away

Roosterspur bridge
sometimes I think, I think I understand
the fear in the boy, the fire in the man


I've been kind of MIA, had a lot of things going on at once, little to no energy and absolutely zero inspiration. But my love for 104 remains, inspiration is fickle anyway and energy comes and goes. So here I am. ;)
(see big damn stupid impossible table of drabbles here)

. Breakable, of how things are not


you think that I'm strong, but you're wrong, you're wrongCollapse )


Unless you particularly have a burning desire to read a rant that is solely a long wallow in self-pity, I advise that you don't go there.